This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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