My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
