would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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