You just made me feel so damn special
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
