I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
