I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
