Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
