Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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