I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
