Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
