just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
