ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
