the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
