Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
