So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
