U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
