Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Vodka?
Forever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
