I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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