Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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