I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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