I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
