And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My feet surprised me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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