yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
