I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
