I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
