dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
