maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
