im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize