I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
