If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
