dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
