census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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