She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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