just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
