i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
