you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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