I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
