I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
