I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
