So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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