I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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