I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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