drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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