Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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