I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
