Is it because I queefed?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
