Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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