Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
