I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
