No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
