Duck Duck Cougar?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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