What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
