i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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