Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
