I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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