So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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