You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
