Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
