I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
