hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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