i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
