were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
