That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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