I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
